The Age of Enlightenment was a period in the late 17th and 18th centuries in which reason and individualism rather than tradition were promoted in various spheres of life. This era saw immense progress in science, philosophy, and thinking that challenged the status quo. While not all were supporters of baseball, we can imagine what baseball cards for some of the great enlightenment thinkers might look like if the sport had existed during their time. Here are fictional baseball cards for five influential enlightenment figures:
Isaac Newton (1643-1727) – Pitcher/Shortstop
Nationality: English
Stats: 20-5 record, 2.35 ERA, .280 BA, 25 SB
Bio: Widely considered one of the most influential scientists of all time, Newton’s laws of motion and universal gravitation were groundbreaking discoveries. With a blazing fastball and rocket arm from the mound, and elite fielding skills and speed on the basepaths, Newton was a true five-tool player. His deep understanding of physics gave him an edge in both pitching and playing small ball. Known for being meticulous in his preparation and approach to the game.
Thomas Hobbes (1588-1679) – Third Baseman
Nationality: English
Stats: .290 BA, 65 RBI, 25 Doubles
Bio: A political philosopher best known for his book Leviathan, Hobbes was an early proponent of social contract theory and believed humans were primarily self-interested. At the hot corner, Hobbes showed no fear going after tough ground balls and making spectacular plays, exemplifying his belief that self-preservation was paramount. Known for coming through in clutch situations and providing steady run production from the cleanup spot.
Baruch Spinoza (1632-1677) – Starting Pitcher
Nationality: Dutch
Stats: 18-12, 3.05 ERA, 178 Ks
Bio: A rationalist philosopher of Portuguese origin, Spinoza made groundbreaking contributions to metaphysics, epistemology, and ethics. On the mound, Spinoza lived up to his rational approach by utilizing pinpoint control and changes of speed to outwit hitters. He mixed up his pitches like a chess master, keeping batters constantly guessing. Known for his calm, stoic demeanor and ability to methodically pick apart lineups.
John Locke (1632-1704) – Second Baseman
Nationality: English
Stats: .310 BA, 35 2B, 15 HR, 80 RBI
Bio: A hugely influential Enlightenment philosopher, Locke is known for developing the classical liberal view of limited government. Locke was a table setter at the top of the order who could do a little bit of everything—spray line drives, leg out doubles, and show some pop. His views on property rights and the social contract translated well to turning doubles into runs with smart baserunning. Known for leading the team both on and off the field.
Voltaire (1694-1778) – Relief Pitcher
Nationality: French
Stats: 2.85 ERA, 32 Saves, 110 Ks
Bio: A philosopher, historian, and writer who embodied the Enlightenment, Voltaire advocated civil liberties and freedom of religion. In high-leverage relief appearances, Voltaire lived up to his reputation as a witty provocateur by baffling batters with his array of off-speed pitches. With a lively fastball and deceptive changeup, he excelled at getting outs when the game was on the line. Known for his satirical sense of humor and ability to poke fun at rigid institutions and customs.
While these baseball cards depict fictional stats and careers, they provide an imaginative way to think about how some of history’s greatest thinkers may have approached and succeeded in America’s pastime if given the opportunity. The Enlightenment challenged old ways of thinking and celebrated the power of human reason—traits that would have served these intellectual giants well on the baseball field as well as in their fields of study. Their diverse talents, backgrounds, and philosophies showcase the rich diversity of ideas that flourished during this seminal era.
